by Colleen Moulding

Margaret, 38, a divorcee from Hereford was shown how

to use the Internet by her teenage daughter. She met Alan,

44, a chemist from New York in a gardening chat room.

"He asked me a question about Albertine roses," laughed

Margaret. "We chatted quite often after that, mainly about

our gardens at first. Then Alan sent some photos of his

garden with him in it, and I straight away thought how

handsome he was.

I sent photos back, half thinking that I wouldn't hear from him

again, but the e-mails kept on coming and one day after we'd

been corresponding for about nine months Alan got the chance

to come to England on business. We met up in London last

November and we got on really well together. I'm going to see

him in New York in two months time, so who knows what will

come of it?"

Lizzie Bell was only sixteen when she started chatting to Mark

on the Internet and found that they didn't live far apart from

each other in North London. They even knew some of the same 

people!

After chatting every day for about a month Mark suggested that

they meet in a cafe one Saturday morning.

"We decided to both carry a copy of a certain computer

magazine," said Mark, "but I knew she was the one the minute 

she walked in the door." "I had already told him what I looked 

like anyway," said Lizzie, "and I made sure I liked the look of 

him before I got my magazine out of my bag."

Over a year later Lizzie and Mark are still together and

planning an engagement on Lizzie's eighteenth birthday.

Things don't always work out quite so well though as Rebecca

42, from Leeds found out.

Rebecca joined an Internet dating service. When she first met

William he seemed like her ideal man, smart, handsome and

sophisticated. At first they had a good time together with

trips to the theatre and the races, even a weekend in Paris, 

until Rebecca began to suspect his motives.

William was increasingly "just a little short of cash" until a

business deal went through. Eventually Rebecca realized

that the deal he was waiting for was marrying her for her not

inconsiderable money. "I later found out this was not the first 

time he'd tried it either" said a disillusioned Rebecca.

There certainly are precautions you must take to keep yourself

safe if you intend to meet people in this way.

CHAT ROOM CHECKLIST

For a start please don't believe everything you're told. He

or she may be a company director with a big house and a

company car, on the other hand they may be on benefit and

up to their eyes in debt. If someone sounds too good to be

true - they probably are!

Don't reveal too much about yourself. Use an alias or a

nickname, this is quite common practice, and don't reveal

too much about your physical whereabouts either, especially

if you live alone or in an isolated place. There are con

artists who target the lonely and will think their ship has

 come in if you give out this sort of information.

Be aware that if you put your photograph on the Internet

anyone can right click on their mouse and put that picture

anywhere that they like in any context. Also consider when

looking at photos of others that many people put on photographs

that are years out of date when they were slimmer, younger,

had hair etc.

Don't even think about giving out your telephone number under

any circumstances. Call the other person from a public

telephone, or dial 141 before you call them and they can't get

your number by dialling 1471. (UK)

Use your common sense. It's easy in the heat of the moment

to give away details about yourself that you would never

usually reveal to a stranger.

Take your time and don't be rushed into meeting, especially if

you have any doubts at all about someone. On the other hand if

 you get to know someone and they are strangely coy about

 meeting up perhaps they are already married, or ten years 

older or younger than they have told you. Beware of men or

women who "love" you within days, they almost definitely have

an ulterior motive. 

When you do decide to meet, take the same precautions over your

personal safety that you would with any stranger. Meet in a

public place, tell someone where you are going and with whom,

keep your house and car keys with you at all times, be careful

about your drink being spiked and take a taxi home so that your 

date doesn't know your home address.

Love and friendship have blossomed on the Internet for many

people who might otherwise never have met, for whom the 

computer cursor became Cupid's arrow, just be careful and look 

after yourself.

© Colleen Moulding 1999

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Colleen Moulding is a freelance writer living in the south of

England. She is also the owner/editor of All That Women

Want.com http://www.allthatwomenwant.com a magazine, web guide

and resource for women everywhere.

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